I can't fight any longer

Today I read a letter. After reading a shorty called "Walter no ha muerto". It touched me, because it reminded me of me...It was hard reading it even though the author tried imitating the voice and style of Virginia Woolf. It felt all to real. Our professor asked us to read a her note that she left behind to her husband. I read it and it took all my might not to cry in class. For I fear that one day I might find this note..that I might be a the other end reading for real. And I cried..it read like this:


 Tuesday. Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.
 V.

My heart weeps because I am tired because I love you too much to let you go, but what if I am holding on to an idea that is no longer real that is no longer you. I can't picture my life without you because you have done so much for me, but for myself it kills me to know I won't be able to help you. Maybe I should just let go of the idea of us, so I can be free for myself and find peace in being single once again. Rejoice. Be happy. Because you deserve it. And if you cannot see that. How can I? I end with the words of Virginia Woolf"s:
 I don't think tow people could have been happier than we have been. and there has not...
xoxo,
 the real me