subconsciously

People say that dreams are the portal to one's subconscious  and what one is really feeling. But it doesn't mean one will try to avoid them as much as possible. I don't know when I will able to confront them..I absolutely dread confrontation if there was trophy for avoidance I think I will have that in the bag. I do miss Giselle very much but, I couldn't bear to say the words that everyone says " I'll miss you, and don't worry we will keep in touch and talk everyday." Yeah like that would be the same. I'm not trying to be pessimistic I'm being realistic. Now that were technically it's getting harder to find time to be with one another, I didn't think it would come so soon. Luci leaves Monday to Holland and Elisa leaves to Davis in September and Giselle is gone too. I guess I'm not good with change and I need to man up or woman up I should say! Any who I find it difficult to say something to Giselle, why I don't know..maybe I'm scared she wont forgive me. I wouldn't blame her..its what I wanted to detach myself emotionally and along the way I detached myself emotionally from all feelings. Scary but true, I was numb until about a week ago when I started to shed a tear. I'm getting better with my emotions slowly getting them back, now its working on my mind and my body because I can trick myself to make sure everything is okay and I focus on something else. I guess I'm not completely whole, I'm very much unstable and have self esteem issues but I'm working on them. Don't worry I am. And to Giselle if you ever find this, I'm sorry.
                                                                                                  xoxo,
                                                                                                    Bee