I really don't know sometimes. Sometimes a put up a front, but inside I'm weak and crumbling. But I choose not to show it. Around me people believe that showing parts of one's emotion like crying is a sign of weakness. I guessed I failed in that aspect.Being a weakling and defenseless is another sign of my weakness. So what is my strong point? I have a short fuse, anger issues that stretch if you push me. So where is my base, my strong point. I might not even have one. People even say that loving someone too much can also be your downfall. If that's so keep piling on the list. I wish I knew the answers sometimes. to know that I am going to be okay..that I can trust my family. That they know I do love them..but I  have to do this for me. To them it is like I am abandoning them..I took it as not wanting me to leave but in reality it was fear..I pushed because i thought they did not care. Whether they said they do it did not come off that way. You don't know how much I cried..how much I suffered because you thought I hated my family because you thought I was abandoning you and who I was. I lost myself a long time ago, but I came back to the person I wanted to be, and I am working on that. But you can't see that can't you? You only see what you want to see, what you choose yo see? So what if I rely on other family members is that not what they are for? They understand me..you see it as back talk as if I am insulting you..unlike you I need to express who I am..and if that is in a form of crying then so be it ..I am weak. I love you. But I hope you come to understand all I wanted was to to pay you back. To make sure at the end nothing hurts you, no payments no stress. I wanted to be the one, to take it all away. But you don't see that...and you might never will.
                                                                                                 xoxo,
                                                                        bEe