10 words. so easy to say. but then why has it taken you so long to say it. Sure your actions might say it. But what about the they way you do your actions. I am not a mind reader. I cannot tell when you're proud of me. Because your afraid of letting me go..you don't say. You say in a different way..but I don't speak that language. So we can't communicate. Until you scream in my face I would have never guessed. But I don't want it like that. I want unforced..full love..full of joy. So how is it when sitting in the doctor's office that a complete stranger might look at me with the most sincere smile and say.."I'm proud of you". With a teared filled smile, I say "thank you" I hold back to break down and tell this complete stranger that I have never heard those words that way..so full of joy and heart. so sweetly cherished. I know I am too emotional. But to this stranger that did not seem to bother her,,maybe its her job..but she did not have to defend me..yet she did. So why can't you see that it's okay for me to be me. To cry when I want to cry. Cannot you see, that you are pushing me. You are the reason that I feel the need to cry. I am affectionate. I love full force, and passionately. That is me. That is who I am. I am sorry I would never be someone strong enough for you. I like myself. Yeah I wish I was stronger. But somewhere out there, I truly believe that I can make it. I might fall, and cry A LOT. But at the end I'm going to make it. No matter what you think of me. I know you love me..but just accept me. for me.
xoxo,
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