Digression

Everyone has one, whether they choose to keep it a secret or not, everyone has to fear something. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Yet as people we are imperfect we fear many things, that hold us back at times. We feel judge criticized by everyone around us, and dare not to show are true persona. I fear being judge, I don't have a high self esteem though I am slowly working on it I don't nearly have the confidence I wish I had, or the strength of people around me is what keeps me going. Yet, alone I need to find myself try it on my own to see if I can make. Who knows where this path will lead me to? All I know is when the time approaches I will know.So i keep coming back to this, now with something completely new. Ahhh I hate when I do this. But my mind is like this jumbled mess of spaghetti like my teacher has told me various time, there's just soo much going up in there...urggh too much to deal with. Thank goodness for music, I find myself listening to new tastes of music. I'm usually your Taylor Swift kinda girl now I'm listening to some other type of music that I never listen too. I guess you can connect to all different kinds of music. Woe is me..Focus..Focus..Focus. Don't give up. Breath. Laugh. Live.

                   xoxo,

                   bee

Random.

I love the feeling of knowing that I helped someone accomplish something they never thought was possible. It is the most amazing feeling that I have ever felt. In my freshmen year of high school, we have to do a physical education test where one of the criteria is to run the mile under a certain time. I was able to do my mile under 8 minutes, but there was this guy who could not do it. Yeah he slacked off, but I he really wanted to pass his mile test. He asked me for help to go running with him and I agreed, I pushed him hard to his limit never makinf him stop even to walk. My p.e. teacher is like your pushing him to hard, but I wanted him to pass once he was finished he made it at exactly 8:59, he shaved off about two minutes!!! Hr was soo ecstatic that he hugged me with a big smile and a "thank you". The feeling was undescrible, I know that I could never put into words how much it meant for me to help him pass his test.Because of me. I knew in that moment that being a teacher was the right choice for me, and that I didn't want to do anything else. Maybe its just me, but I know what I was meant to do with my lide, sure maybe I won't make a lot of money but at least I will be happy. Only life can tell what's gonna happen in the five to ten years all I can hope for is the best. Who knows what life might bring to me in the future all I know is as long is I have my family to support me and something to look forward to I'll be alright.
 xoxo,
bee

overwhelming.

It's overwhelming all of it sometimes, feeling that you might fail at something and the person that you must disappoint is actually yourself. School is overwhelming sometimes going back and forth and feeling always tired it sucks sometimes but, we have to keep going looking at the positives in life instead of the negative. I guess this blogs helps, I like to read along the way to relive stress but since finals are coming it it gets more stressful each day trying to make the grade because you don't understand the material and the teacher is not good at explaining it. I feel sorry for him, it seems that this is not what he wants to be doing... almost as he has given up in life which makes me sad because it makes me think  what made him get to this point. Sometimes I want to help him, but how do you help someone that does care anymore and makes so hard to reach out to them if they are not putting any effort into doing their job. Yet, I always believe their is good in people even int he tiniest bit there is something there, or maybe I'm just naive, probably. I've been through my set of challenges that you can't trust people it just makes me feel sad that some people are alone and that so many things happen they just don't care anymore. what do they believe in or look froward too? who do they look upon? I guess it just makes me sad...I wonder if they hope to be happy someday too. 

                                                                                  xoxo,

                                                                                    bee

new year 2011

So I am writing this blog at almost 2:30 am, and I am not the least bit tired..wait till the morning. So as this year came to an end, I realize that I have grown so much and taken a few steps back along the way to. I learned that sometimes you can't get along with your parents, pushing people away will get you nowhere, and that I'm not a little kid anymore and don't have the privilege to runaway from things but I have to learn how to confront them straight on..which I am so awful at! While celebrating this new years I got a surprise visit from some old neighbors that I used to know my whole life, I remember running around with one of the kids we used to get along so well always hyper...he's so big now I cant believe that he's not a little kid anymore well neither am I..but still I guess it's kinda hard to know that our childhood ended a long time ago but proud to know that he is doing good in school just like me.=] So a new year brings new challenges, some goodbyes, some tough decisions that will be hard to make but as long as i have my family to support me and my bestie there to knock some since in me now and then I have to believe that things will be okay because if it's not then it's not the end just the beginning.
                                                                                                                             
                                                                                                                                xoxo,
                                                                                      Bee

Procrastination

Everybody does it. We should avoid doing it, because it becomes a habit. Like now for example writing this blog about procrastination I am procrastinating, which is probably why my computer first deleted this a same blog a couple of seconds ago.Well either way, we just can't help I know majority of my high school companions always wait to the last minute and there we are sitting at our computers at 3 a.m finish that paper that was assigned weeks ago. Sucks. Yet, we still do it. Is it because were lazy?Probably. Or we need better planning skills?Completely. Either, people will tell you thousands of times NOT to procrastinate and learn to manage your time and even though you say ya of course there we are finish everything in the last minute. I c an tell my cousins a thousand times that they should not do it but they have to learn for themselves and maybe they will never learn some of us just work well under pressure..I would have to say that I'm pretty lazy when I want to.But for now I think I should get started on my school work before I avoid too much.=p
                                                                                      xoxo,
                                                                                         Bee